Mercè Conangla: "In a hostile world, emotional disobedience is necessary"

La psicòloga Mercè Conangla © Marc Llibre
La psicòloga Mercè Conangla © Marc Llibre
(Writer at The New Barcelona Post)
november 24, 2025 - 15:46
The words of Mercè Conangla exudea harmonic balance between restlessness and sensitivity.Between an intense, almost fierce, eagerness to learn and understand not only the world around her, but also her relationship with others. Because she argues that to love this world, the most important thing is to explore it, know it, and thus value it. And, on the other hand, a deep sensitivity that is transmitted in every word, in every gesture, and in every look. A sensitivity that allows her to care for the three planets we all inhabit: our inner world, the relationships that sustain us, and the outer world, the one we share with the other inhabitants of the planet. Precisely, this fierce eagerness is what led her to first study nursing, and later psychology, with a clinical and educational specialty. To continuously train and share this knowledge in the form of books, with almost thirty volumes published—the latest titledEmotional climate change—. And it is her sensitivity that has driven her to look at the world in a new way, developing the concept of emotional ecology together with Jaume Soler —a colleague in profession, path, and life—. A concept that later led to the Emotional Ecology Foundation, which celebrates thirty years of creating spaces for dialogue, emotional education, and self-knowledge. In a society that seems condemned to haste, darkness, and loneliness —especially in large cities like Barcelona—, Conangla defends the need for to spread hope and goodness, but also to detect these values in the simplicity of small gestures. — How would you define the concept of emotional ecology?— Ecology comes from the Greek wordoikos, which means house. And, therefore, ecology is the knowledge of the house. And, in our case, the house we have to know and care for is divided into three planets: our inner world, the world of relationships, and the outer world, which can be family, work, our city, or even the planet. Emotional ecology teaches us to direct our emotional loads well towards these three planets and to care for all three at once. Because if I am contaminated, if I live angry or frustrated, I will inevitably spread emotional garbage to others, or even to the rest of the world. That is why these three planets are interconnected as if they were the three legs of the same stool: if one fails, everything becomes unbalanced.— How do we have to take care of these planets?— Starting by knowing each other. I always return to this verb: to know. If I don't know a thing, I can't value it. And if I don't value it, I don't respect it. And if I don't respect it, I don't love it. It happens with oneself, with the people around us, with cities, with everything. For example, if I don't know Barcelona, if I don't walk its streets, if I don't know its people and its corners, I won't feel proud to live in it. The exact same thing happens with oneself: that's why we must know, value, respect, and, finally, love.

— A work of self-knowledge and knowledge of the external world that the Foundation advocates should be done from a very young age.

— It is essential. We must teach children to name emotions from the beginning. To know how to distinguish fear, sadness, anger… Because if we don't understand these emotions, it's very common to answer "I'm terrible" when asked how we are. But "terrible" is not an emotion, it's a kind of bag into which we put everything: sadness, frustration, loneliness, disappointment, rage… When we manage to name these emotions, we can begin to understand them, to order the chaos and then work on them. And this is a continuous process: it can be started as a child or at 70 years old. An essential process precisely at the current moment: where the world is uncertain and anxiety, depression, and hopelessness seem generalized.

"We are hyperconnected but incommunicado. Most of our relationships are superficial, topical"

— Especially at a time like the present, when, although young people in particular are increasingly daring to speak openly about mental health, anxiety, depression, and stress are also growing.

— There is generalized anguish, much sadness, an increase in depressions, anxiety, and even suicide attempts. Many young people look around them and see difficulties: housing, salaries, precariousness, the feeling that they will live worse than their parents. When you only see obstacles, you have fear and anger, and with those feelings you can harm yourself, and others. And also the planet: because the logical reaction is: "why should we take care of our environment if we see that everything is collapsing?"

— And, in many cases, these feelings lead to what is known as eco-anxiety.

— Yes, helplessness, disappointment with politicians, indignation with polluting companies, fear all come together. And in this scenario there are people who get stuck and drown in indifference or paralysis, and we find ourselves facing a concept that we define as "the globalization of indifference"; that is, people create a shield against misfortunes to stop suffering. And, at the other extreme, there is the opposite reaction: hyper-responsibility, young people who end up exhausted by all the restrictions they impose on themselves.

— And what can we do in the face of this whole world that seems so dark?

— We must sow hope. And that is as simple as performing actions as simple as being kinder, giving a smile, having a detail with someone, yielding the right of way. Small details that make a city less hostile. It is important not to think about everything we cannot control, but about all those actions that are in our hands: watering a plant, turning off the light when we leave the room or not leaving the tap open. But it is also important to create networks: spaces for listening, for real encounters, for dialogue. Because loneliness affects many elderly people, but it is also a deep wound among adolescents and young people.

"When a person suffers emotionally, they need to be heard. Not to have their life fixed"

— It seems paradoxical, doesn't it? We have more facilities than ever to be connected thanks to social networks, but, at the same time, we feel more alone.

— We are hyperconnected but incommunicado. Most of our relationships are superficial, topical. That is, if we imagine social relationships as a pyramid, the base of it, that is, most communications, are topical, with neutral topics. Then there is a second level of the pyramid, which is that of opinion, the "given this situation, I think this", which is a very interesting intellectual exchange. But we almost never reach the last level of the pyramid: that of "I feel", because opening ourselves emotionally to others seems to scare us. And we also see this on networks: we only see perfect, happy lives, but behind them there can be a lot of sadness and loneliness. We must create spaces for deep listening so that deep relationships emerge.

— How can we establish and strengthen these relationships?

— First, we must work on and identify our emotions: because that way we will manage not to mix them with those of others. When someone suffers, I cannot tell them "I understand you perfectly", because it is not true. Because even if we have gone through the same situation, not everyone experiences the same emotions. We must ask: "how do you feel?". Not projecting my story, but respecting theirs.

— And from here, how can we help someone in our environment if we see that they are suffering?

— When a person suffers emotionally, they need to be heard. Not to have their life fixed. Sometimes, with the best intentions, we say "if I were you, I would do this...", but you are not the other person. The most important thing is to feel that someone is there: to feel a "speak, I'm listening to you." A hand, a touch, a "if you need me, call me, no matter the time." I won't be able to calm your pain, but I can be with you.

— And we would only be missing the third planet: the outer world.

— We all coexist on this small planet, and we should row together in the same direction to preserve it, because we don't have a spare planet. But instead of rowing together, we fight, there are international wars, we hurt each other and pollute the environment. For this reason, we must take care of the three planets: our inner self, our relationships, and the outer world. And we must also take care of the Earth because its state will end up affecting our inner self: if we live in a dirty, aggressive, hurried city, then we will be unwell.

"If I go to the gym three days a week, why don't I also train my ability to be present, to breathe, to manage fear?"

— Can one live well in a city where everything goes fast, like Barcelona?

— It is possible, but only if we have the tools to do so. For example, if I think I can't do anything to make this city less hostile, I victimize myself. But if I ask myself: "what can I do today?", I regain control. And we must focus on these small actions. But also raise our voice when necessary: we must teach children to be more rebellious.

— Rebellious?

— Yes, emotionally rebellious. When the world seems hostile, emotional disobedience is more necessary than ever. And one of the dangers of the new generations is precisely this: that they are too obedient, that they believe everything. We must know how to say "enough is enough." Society pushes us to live fast, on autopilot: "don't think, don't feel." But we must know how to stop, move away from this system that pushes us to be continuously productive and focus on ourselves. We are very concerned about our physical health and go to the gym a lot, but we should also go to the emotional gym.

— To train ourselves emotionally.

— Yes, and especially because we see that we must prepare for unexpected situations: blackouts, pandemics, scenarios we can't even imagine now... And being prepared is not just having an emergency kit, but also having good emotional muscle. If I go to the gym three days a week, why don't I also train my ability to be present, to breathe, to manage fear?

— How could we improve Barcelona to make it more pleasant for its inhabitants?

— The people who design cities, politicians or architects, should consider the emotional factor more. And, in this sense, we work with the concept of the CAPA city: creative, loving, peaceful, and autonomous.

"The people who design cities, politicians or architects, should consider the emotional factor more"

— And is Barcelona like that?

— It has potential. Barcelona, for example, has always been said to be creative, yes, but creativity must be oriented towards humanizing, not towards making people consume more. But it must also be loving and peaceful: we need spaces of silence, friendly spaces, a city where we are not always cramped and irritable. But where there are also network spaces, to feel part of a community that drives us. And above all, we need kindness.

— Kindness! Where can we find this essential value for a kinder world?

— We can find it everywhere: because kindness is the sensitive care of the planet, of people, and of oneself. It is love for life, tenderness, generosity, humility, beauty... In fact, at the Emotional Ecology Foundation, we have an observatory of kindness, and for a few days, we dedicate ourselves to observing these everyday kind actions. And, once you put on the glasses of kindness, you see it everywhere: from the person who gives up a seat on the subway to the smile a neighbor gives us.

— Sometimes we find it hard to recognize these gestures.

— Yes, because we go too fast, on autopilot. And, for this reason, it is also important that we educate people, from a young age, to recognize and also spread kindness. And above all, to appreciate it, but not a mechanical thank you, like when in the schoolyard we force the little ones to apologize after fighting, but they don't really mean it. It must be a living gratitude.

"If everyone sincerely expressed gratitude, Barcelona would be less hostile, more breathable, more human"

— If we all practiced this gaze, the city would change…

— Just one week dedicated to gratitude would be transformative. If everyone sincerely expressed gratitude, Barcelona would be less hostile, more breathable, more human. And we can propose a sincere thank you a day or a week, and we would see the impact it has.

— In such a fast-paced and sometimes hostile city, you defend hope.

— Because I cultivate it every day and because I feel it is there. Because I don't intend to throw in the towel: we must be able to stand up against this fast world and sow hope, because we need it.

— How can we do it?

— First, by taking care of ourselves: and we can do this in many ways: from meditation, contemplation, a moment of silence, a book or a song that nourishes us. Sometimes it's as simple as taking five minutes a day. Because I can feed my brain or contaminate it: and how we treat others and the world will depend on this decision. And that is emotional ecology: taking care of the three planets so that life can flourish on them.

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About the author

Ainara Valadez
Ainara Valadez Medina

Writer at The New Barcelona Post

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