Elena Gadel: "I have learned not to seek approval"

--- You have dared to sing about gender violence when talking about the subject is already so difficult.

--- Elena Gadel: I have dared to sing it and Ivan Labanda to show it through the music video he directed, which displays such explicit images. We are not used to seeing such evident violence.

--- Did you ever consider if it was necessary to soften it?

--- Iván and I talked a lot and asked ourselves: what do we want to do, pierce the soul or blur the message of the song? And we chose option 1, which was to go all in.

--- You wrote Lobo for a friend who had suffered gender violence. What did she tell you when she heard the song?

--- Well, she didn't like it.

--- Oh...

--- I told her "I wrote it for you" and she said, "is this me?". She didn't identify with it. But I think that as time has passed, she has grown to like it.

--- When it touches us closely, we don't want to recognize ourselves in something so evident but so painful and unpleasant.

--- The denial. I am not that. And I don't understand why we carry this shame. I, fortunately, have not suffered it, but I would tell you that I surely perceived that reaction on her face.

--- Do you listen to your songs once they are published?

--- No, never!

--- Why?

--- I can't. On one hand, because listening to them reminds me of work and doesn't allow me to relax. On the other, because once the work is finished, it's on to the next step. I prefer to listen to things I want to learn from.

--- Who is the first person to listen to your songs?

--- My partner, Toni. He is a musician and since I tend to always compose with the same chords, I take advantage of him to do the arrangements and improve the work. And then my mother. For my mother to listen to it is a great test of fire.

--- And if your mother doesn't like the song?

--- First I think "she has no idea!" and then I think "maybe, she does...". I remember once I made her listen to a song. I was very excited and she, on the other hand, didn't like it. And that song never came out.

--- It has taken you 8 years to release an album. Is that many years for a singer?

--- I don't think so. In fact, there's a very big leap compared to the last one I did. Perhaps someone might think that we live in this world of immediacy where everything must be quick-quick. But I have needed these 8 years to learn to train myself in other disciplines and enrich myself with other things.

--- On March 30, you present the album La dona que em vesteix in concert at L'Auditori. Butterflies in your stomach already?

--- Yes, a lot of nerves. In fact, since the end of last year when they proposed it to me. At that time I only had 5 songs produced, but I didn't have the live show in mind yet. And what I'm presenting has a very different sound. There's electronic music, which I'm not used to because I'm more into acoustic. And it has to be presented differently, with stage direction, a lighting designer, and many other things that I'm used to seeing in theater, but not in my own productions.

--- Have you ever felt stage fright?

--- Of course, a lot. When I injured my vocal cords doing Mar i Cel, for example. I overexerted myself and had a hemorrhage.

--- How scary.

--- Until that day, I was a child, I gave my all on stage. And, moreover, it was at the Teatre Nacional, imagine! I wasn't afraid of anything. But then when I came back, I grew up and the fear of losing my voice was there.

--- Is losing your voice your biggest fear?

--- Yes. And that fear has led to others, like the lyrics slipping from my mind, which also scares me.

--- These are fears linked to your work. In your daily life, would you say you are a fearful person?

--- I'm very scared when I leave the city.

--- When you leave the city?

--- Yes. The world of the mountains scares me. I'm very much a concrete person, very urban.

--- But are you afraid of getting lost?

--- Yes, and falling. I'm not used to the mountains, nor the forest. I feel calm at home, in my comfort zone, with my daily habits that I have very controlled.

--- What do you change in your daily life when you have a concert coming up?

--- I avoid tobacco. I'm not a smoker, just an occasional cigarette, but if I have a concert that week, no way! I also don't go out to dinner, I rest as much as possible. And I don't find it hard to say no to friends who propose things. Because I'm very disciplined. I want to have everything under control, not to miss anything.

--- What do you think of Shakira's musicalized revenge?

--- Today I don't think I could do it and, precisely, that's why I admire what Shakira has done. I think, how brave! Because I am so demanding with myself and so rigid, that when I see someone who isn't, it amazes me. I think it's necessary to have people like that in the world. When she released the song I thought: "look, how free she is!".

--- Does what people might think of you stop you from doing things?

--- Yes, especially because of my children. Although if I hadn't had children, it would also hold me back. On Friday nights, after Euphoria, if I glance at social media, I think, let's see what I've done, what I've said... ugh.

--- Does it hurt?

--- Yes, of course it hurts. Because I believe they are not aware of what they provoke. Otherwise, I don't understand that malice.

--- What music do you listen to?

--- I like flamenco when I want to work and get ideas. When I want to disconnect, I listen to other things. I like reggaeton.

--- What do you like about reggaeton?

--- I'll tell you first what I don't like, and that's the lyrics. As soon as I open my ears and listen to those lyrics, many contradictions arise in me. But what I like is that rhythm, that hip movement, the latineo, that free and seductive dance. I love it!

--- Do you like to dance?

--- Yes, a lot. I dance Cuban salsa. I've been to clubs where there are Cubans who ask you to dance on the floor and honestly, I think I do it quite well.

--- What song, even as years pass, still stirs you inside when you hear it?

--- Navega sola, by Mayte Martín. I heard it when I was 15 and at this point, it provokes the same in me. It takes me back to the little girl.

--- Do you think a lot about when you were little?

...

--- Wow, you got emotional.

--- It's just that I think a lot about when I was little. Because it was a time when everything was beautiful, easy. And now I'm a mother, parents are getting older, news arrives that affects the health of loved ones. But I like that all this is happening to me at this moment when I am maturing emotionally, and I think I can handle it. But being a child, being cared for, protected... how cool!

--- Is motherhood as you had imagined it?

--- Let's see, let me think how I had imagined it? Mmmmm, no. It's much harder. Many times I think, they didn't tell me this! And from one child to two, I was blown away. I'm lucky that Toni does a lot of fathering.

--- A father acting as a father shouldn't be exceptional.

--- True, but think that when my first child was a baby, I started doing Cabaret. And Toni was the one at home. That's probably why they have such a special bond. When the girl was born, we clearly both had to be there.

--- Did you have two children because you were an only child?

--- I had two children because Toni wanted two! Being an only child, I was very well. But now I look at them and think, how good that they have a sibling.

--- I didn't know your last name was Delgado.

--- Yes, instead of Delgado I flipped it and put Gadel. This comes from the OT era. A colleague gave me the idea, because I didn't quite like Elena Delgado as an artistic name. And Gadel reminded me of Gardel and I loved it!

--- And what did your father say?

--- Nothing! Now he often calls himself Gadel too.

--- With the perspective you have now, how would you define everything you experienced?

--- Madness, constant Dragon Khan, fantasy, because there was a lot of that which wasn't real.

--- Who made you keep your feet on the ground?

--- Myself and the education I've received all my life. For better or worse, my character means I never lose control one hundred percent, and this has always kept my feet on the ground.

--- If you get lost, where do I look for you?

--- In Granada. My mother is from there and my family. The city is beautiful and also what you breathe, flamenco.

--- It's been 6 years since you took on the role of Noe in the TV3 series Com si fos ahir.

--- And may it last!

--- How is it having to study a script every day?

--- I like it! I've always been a very good student and these scripts also help me learn to speak Catalan correctly. Because things I thought were good, turn out not to be, and it fascinates me. The linguists there are very strict. Going to shoot episodes of the series every day also gives me a lot of stability, it's like being at home. It's strong, right?

--- Do you like yourself as an actress?

--- I had only done musicals and when they called me for the casting I thought they wouldn't take me. But they called me and I kept doing it. Besides, I think Noe is also a character that suits me.

--- Do you watch yourself?

--- If I come across it, I stay to see how it turned out. But I don't go looking for myself. I try not to obsess.

--- Tell me something about yourself that people wouldn't imagine.

--- That I like reggaeton? ---laughs---

--- And another one?

--- I just don't know how people imagine me! In Eufòria, for example, maybe I give an image of a tough, rigid, and confident woman, and yet I have a very fresh and flamenco side.

--- This image of a tough or rigid woman, do you think it's attributed to you precisely because you are a woman?

--- For being a woman, I notice many things that surely wouldn't happen if I were a man.

--- What kind of things?

--- Well, when it comes to having to assert myself in the things I need for my project. I often have to convince whoever questions me, insisting a lot and reasoning everything a lot. If I were a guy, they would surely say yes at first.

--- You were going to be an early childhood teacher. What prevented it?

--- Entering Operación Triunfo.

--- If OT hadn't crossed your path, would you be working in a school today?

--- I think so. But now I'm finishing my degree remotely. I have one year left to finish.

--- What is the best moment of the day for you?

--- Morning coffee. And going to bed, or reading.

--- What advice have you been given that has helped you a lot in life?

--- Not seeking approval. My therapist gave it to me.

--- You don't have to please everyone.

--- And this is so difficult to internalize. Because I've been taught to please. Be correct, be good, don't hurt anyone. And it's normal. As a mother, I also teach my daughter to be a good person, but in a different way, by letting her be herself.

--- Have you managed to learn not to seek approval?

--- I still have that inertia because in the artist's world, everything you do you want people to like. For people to go to your concerts, to fill the theater. And knowing that you don't have to please everyone when your work precisely seeks that, it's hard to find the balance. Especially because my music is not mainstream. But now I'm at that point of "so what if people don't like what I do?", and that frees me a lot.

--- What are you like when you get angry?

--- I shout a lot and speak in Spanish, with flamencura. But it passes quickly.

--- What do you see yourself doing in 20 years?

--- At sixty, I hope I can continue singing.

--- Are you worried about getting old?

--- Not yet. I feel that both emotionally and professionally I am learning many things. Then there's the system, which tells women not to show that they are getting older, that if you have surgery it shouldn't show, that if you wear makeup it shouldn't show, and a whole series of hypocrisies. And now I'm more into working on: "I have a wrinkle, so what", "I'm getting older, so what". In fact, my album is called La dona que em vesteix and in one song I talk about many of those things I was telling you.

--- How do you like your ColaCao at the bar?

--- Cold and with lumps!