What does it mean to be brave? For a long time, Aaron Hill believed that bravery consisted of resisting any adversity without showing weakness. With this self-image, he enlisted in the British Armed Forces, where he worked for ten years, a period that continued with another decade in private security, in both cases in conflict zones. Everything changed as a result of a violent episode that forced him to rethink his true purpose and the real meaning of success. After a lifetime built around the concept of bravery, deep conversations and painful questions about his past led him to a new understanding: being brave is not about not being afraid, but about being aware of it.
This reflection brought him closer to coaching: Hill wanted to help people who, like him, had built a shell —through work, success, or social role—, an image they were now beginning to dismantle. Today, this former British soldier, originally from Bath, lives in Sant Cugat del Vallès with his wife, a Catalan woman he met in England, and their children. He accompanies clients from all over the world, including Barcelona, who have pursued professional success and external approval, often at the expense of their emotional health. In the Catalan capital, Hill also promotes the Courageous Conversation Walking Groups, meetings to talk calmly while walking through a city that often seems to impose an accelerated pace on us. He speaks with calm, confidence, and honesty, the result of having found balance and meaning, and of having learned to revisit the dark episodes that have led him to today.
— The concept of resilience has marked your career. So much so that today you define yourself as a "Resilience Coach," and your podcast is precisely titled Forging Resilience. How would you define the art of resilience?
— Resilience, to begin with, is just a word, but it has a transcendental meaning in my career. In fact, it's a meaning that has changed as I've grown: when I was young, in the Armed Forces, I understood resilience as the ability to be tough and not show weakness, resisting even in the most extreme conditions. Now I understand resilience as the ability to understand ourselves and our emotions to know how to respond to life's obstacles. It's not about reacting to them, but about reflecting on how to respond to unpredictable situations.
— The importance of understanding oneself... Have you always had this awareness?
— I hadn't analyzed myself until after I was 40: I hadn't stopped to think about what I felt, and even less so working in conflict zones, where you don't have space to stop and reflect. The reflections and lessons from that period I have only been able to integrate in recent years, when I have truly analyzed myself deeply.
— That is to say, in recent years you have relived those hard moments from the past.
— Yes: after years of self-reflection and discovery, of coaching, therapy, friends, difficult questions, and truly getting to know myself. Trying new things, learning, and also crying. Looking inward is essential, but we don't always have the space, or we may not even be ready to do it.
"In the middle of a military attack, I was paralyzed and blocked. And I told myself I was a coward, I thought: how can it be that you act like this after so many years of preparing?"
— And revisiting those moments, what conclusions do you draw from your personal story?
— Over time I have understood that throughout my life I have imposed an idea on myself: I had to be strong. To be loved and recognized, I had to stand out, perhaps also because I was the eldest of four siblings. So, although I grew up in a family with a lot of love, which has always encouraged me, I felt that need to excel. And I thought the way to demonstrate it was with difficult and physical acts: football, rugby, mountain bike crossings or even Ironman triathlons...
— And even enlisting in the Armed Forces.
— Exactly. The validation I sought through sport I transferred to combat zones. Now, with the years, I see that I don't feel comfortable in conflict situations. And it's curious, because even when I had overcome a very demanding challenge, standing out among my promotion and officially enlisting in the Armed Forces, I didn't feel satisfied with myself.
— Why?
— There was an episode that marked me: in the middle of a military attack, I became paralyzed and blocked. And I told myself that I was a coward, I thought: how can it be that you act like this after so many years preparing? But, with the passage of time, I have returned to that moment that marked me at the time, and I understand that it is a totally normal response: I was young, only 25 years old and nothing and no one can teach us to be prepared for such extreme conditions. And I not only remember this episode on the battlefield, but many other moments of my career that I wanted to hide under the armor of a strong person and leader.
— Is there any other episode you still remember today?
— I remember that as a child I was afraid to speak in public. In a school play, with all the parents looking at me and the spotlight pointing at me, I peed myself. So for years I tried at all costs to avoid speaking in public. For example, a few years ago I would never have imagined giving interviews and doing it in Catalan; it was completely out of my comfort zone... and look at me now!
— Precisely now you dedicate yourself to the art of the word: to talking with clients, in your podcast or even in public…
— Exactly. I have learned to differentiate it: the emotions I may feel in a given episode of my life do not define me as a person. If I am afraid at a specific moment, it does not mean that I am a coward. In fact, being brave is not not being afraid, but knowing what to do with it. Fear or nerves are a human feeling and remind us that we are connected to what is happening around us, and, moreover, they can even serve as a guide for making certain decisions.
— How was the transition from the armed forces and private security in conflict zones to coaching?
— There is an episode that marked me forever: about 10 years ago, while talking to my wife and son on Skype from Kabul, an explosion shook my entire office. I asked myself: what am I doing here, away from my family? It was then that I realized that this job no longer fulfilled me and I decided that I wanted to find my passion. First, as a personal trainer, since I had always liked sports, and then with coaching, inspired by the coach who helped me. I wanted to help other people as he had helped me: help them revisit their inner monsters.
— And your story can inspire many clients to shed their armor.
— I always say that not everyone needs a coach, but you have to want to start this process, which is not always comfortable: we will visit dark places of the mind, those gaps we omit when we tell our story.
"When we pursue success at work, we often forget to ask ourselves: does it really make me happy?"
— When is a good time to look for a coach?
— Most people seek help when they are already overwhelmed. But I always say that the best gift life has given me is having gone through a coaching process when I wasn't going through a great stressful situation, because it is at that moment when you can ask yourself deep questions.
— What is a coaching process like? What advice do you give your clients?
— I don't give advice; at most I can offer some tools. Nor is it the same as a therapy process: we neither want nor try to replace it. But in a coaching process, it is essential that a relationship of trust is established between both parties: that the client can feel comfortable telling their story, taking distance to analyze and understand it. For his part, the coach must listen without judging and ask the pertinent questions when appropriate; he is responsible for creating a space of peace, trust and freedom. The concept of acceptance, for me, is key: to accept and not judge. This is fundamental for the coach, but also for oneself: we must accept our own story, which does not mean agreeing with all decisions, but not judging it.
— You point out that it is important to take distance to analyze our past. How can we do it?
— Exactly. Telling our story to someone external can help us; a coach can accompany us on this path and help us review our trajectory. But writing can also be of great help: in English we say think in ink, that is, writing helps to reflect, to revisit the past calmly, accept and extract lessons. For example, before I told myself that I was a coward for that traumatic episode on the battlefield; now, with distance, I look at that 25-year-old young man with compassion.
— Many of your clients are people with trajectories similar to yours. Men, who after 40 years, begin to analyze themselves and try to understand themselves.
— I have clients of all kinds, but it's true that my main client is myself. And like me, many men who, after years protected under a shell, are now rethinking themselves. This shell can be bravery, as in my case, but also work: taking refuge in it and thinking that it is the only way to achieve success.
"No one has taught us to be vulnerable, to show ourselves weak or to face certain situations. We are used to enduring and enduring, because society tells us that, otherwise, we are weaklings"
— For many people, work is everything.
— When we pursue success at work, we often forget to ask ourselves: does it really make me happy? And perhaps for some people it does, but we must ask ourselves: where does this need to validate ourselves through our work come from? Do I really feel complete with the steps I am achieving? Am I proud of myself or will I always want more? There is no single recipe or tool that works for everyone. You have to ask questions, reflect, have deep conversations. Even review our daily habits: does picking up the phone as soon as we wake up benefit us? If that's what works for us, go ahead.
— Is it possible to find that calm you speak of in big cities like Barcelona that, with their accelerated pace, also seem to invite us to live in a hurry?
— I have been living in Sant Cugat del Vallès for years, because my wife is from here —although we met when she was in England—, and the contrast with my small hometown, Bath, is evident. There is continuous movement, shops are permanently open, and that rhythm, whether you like it or not, influences how we feel. But we must know how to find our own rhythm, and transitions work for me, that is, creating spaces of passage between one sphere and another, for example, between work and family, so as not to mix everything. Sometimes three deep breaths can make a difference. Everyone must find their tool: sport, nature, meditation…
— You mentioned that many of your clients are men who, after years, are now shedding their armor. Do you think it has to do with the role that society traditionally imposes on men?
— Totally. We are told that we must be strong, and that is how it is imposed on us: we cannot show emotions, we cannot express that stress is overcoming us. For this reason, it is also difficult for us to ask for help. I attend to many entrepreneurs who lead a very high pace of life. No one has taught us to be vulnerable, to show ourselves weak or to face certain situations. We are used to enduring and enduring, because society tells us that, otherwise, we are weaklings. And these people seek help when the car wheels have already come off.
— What expectations do they have when they start a coaching process?
— They usually come with a specific goal: to lead a company, to achieve success. But we must turn these concepts around. For example, if one of our weak points is procrastination, perhaps we should go to the root: where does it come from? It can be from fear. Maybe I procrastinate a task because I'm afraid of doing it wrong and that others will have a bad image of me.
"The greatest success is being able to manage everything that life gives us: also disappointment and sadness, and not running away"
— For many years, for you, success was synonymous with courage. What is success for you now?
— For me, the most valuable thing is no longer the facts or the results, but how I am. My merit is who I am being, not what I am doing. For a long time, I sought validation in the physical realm: in the Armed Forces, in long-distance triathlons... and even today, sometimes, I seek it through professional success.
Now, success may be spending a quiet day with my children and being able to enjoy them. Taking them to school, for example, makes me feel privileged. I can have financial or personal brand goals, but over time I have learned that they are not priorities. Success is going for a walk, feeling the birds, the wind, being connected with all my senses. And, without a doubt, the greatest success is being able to manage everything that life gives us: also disappointment and sadness, and not running away from them. That, for me, is the clearest form of courage.