What is the feeling of unwanted loneliness like? It is usually defined in scientific terms as the discrepancy between what I expect and what I get from my relationships; it is what is called the cognitive discrepancy hypothesis. This view of loneliness has prevailed because it is easier to measure, but we at the "la Caixa" Social Project's Elderly Program believe that loneliness is more complex. It also has to do with a feeling of isolation. You can be surrounded by people, but feel alone. Sometimes the problem is not the lack of people, but the lack of certain people who are significant in your life (your mother, your children) or the lack of connection with your community. On the other hand, it can also be linked to not having a life project or the exhaustion of one, which is known as existential loneliness. The feeling of loneliness is also characterized by negative emotions: sadness, dejection, a feeling of discomfort, frustration... It is above all a complex phenomenon, with multiple facets, which is sometimes difficult to admit due to shame or guilt and which, as we have seen, is not solved simply with company.
Does this situation define us as a society? Above all, we have a problem of social functioning, in the way we relate. Our relationships have lost commitment and mutuality; they are increasingly less complex, because we only want the good and not the bad, like when we break up with our partner via WhatsApp. But relationships need commitment, they need us to be there. That is why the reverse of loneliness is not not feeling alone, but having good social functioning. And it is a paradox, because it turns out that this is the era in which we seem most connected. And yet, we have never felt so alone. True relationships demand sacrifice, generosity, empathy, compassion, etc. (values common to any healthy society). With the loss of true relationships, we lose more things.
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And what about people who reach retirement age but are physically and mentally fit? It is clear that investment in health is transforming the life cycle. We are children for longer, adolescence is also extended, and entry into adulthood is delayed; but we have not changed the incorporation into old age: 65 years. That's how it was 30 years ago and that's how it is now, but the circumstances are not the same. Before, old age lasted 5 or 10 years, but now it can last 25 or 30. We are talking about a long time! Many of these "official" seniors do not recognize themselves as "elderly." Those who are 70 now, in terms of cognitive functioning, can be like those who were 60 two decades ago. But this society does not recognize them or offer them opportunities. Opening spaces, recognizing, and valuing is an unavoidable challenge.
Is there, therefore, a political responsibility in this need to reconfigure the age map? Of course, but above all there is a challenge for seniors. Because you retire, and how do you create a new version of your life? That is complicated. What are you going to do for the next 30 years? How can you achieve a full life? Now we reach old age with a very hedonistic outlook. We retire and say, "Time to rest!" It's great to exercise and travel, but 30 years doing only that? It is necessary to redefine a new life project, a life project not centered on oneself but looking at others, involving ourselves in their lives.
Society also currently lacks the means to leverage the talent and experience of veterans. That is a primary problem. But also, it is not clear what we expect from seniors. Can this society afford to lose all that experience? For example, the "baby boom" generation is reaching the top of the population pyramid; we are talking about a time when 14 million people were born in Spain. And we are not able to assign them a role in this society! That is a very important challenge. Let's imagine that those 14 million people who are starting to retire from working life cooperate for the common good, through volunteering, solidarity, etc. Probably their old age, in addition to having a part of rest and pleasure, will have an active part and a relationship with others. Perhaps it is necessary to enable a more committed society. It seems to me that this would be possible if we organized it.
Last January, the United Kingdom appointed a Secretary of State to combat loneliness. Should we do something similar in Spain? I don't quite see it; I believe the response to loneliness should be based at the local level. If there's one thing we need to invest in, it's social relationships, because that means investing in common goals. But we find ourselves in a society where everything pushes towards individualization and fragmentation, when what we should be doing is fighting for commitment, for participation, for mutuality. We must assume that we are interdependent beings.
What measures can be adopted to work in that direction? Loneliness programs normally offer companionship, but we wanted to go a little further. In the program Siempre acompañados (Always Accompanied), we have worked on a more complex view of situations of loneliness to provide a triple response: empowering the person, working on involvement with the community, and raising public awareness. There is also a part that has to do with personal development, because one way to manage your emotions is by opening up to others. And that is something that older people ask for a lot; they don't want to limit themselves to traveling. Feeling useful, knowing oneself, being able to set goals and accept situations of vulnerability... In short, moving from being a passive subject of life to being an active agent.
Interview: Javier Márquez Sánchez Photography: Bárbara Lánzat
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